Cheating.

If any of you out there are as tired of my negativity as I am, then, well... you've probably stopped reading my blog, so it doesn't really matter what I say to you. Nevertheless, in an effort to turn over a new leaf and ressurect the glorious font of humor and high spirits that is my intarw3b log, I'll leave you with an email I wrote organizing our very first ETA get-together in my city.

Disclaimer: Work gets unbelievably boring and any means of entertainment, no matter how dorky, become shameless self-indulgence. I apologize in advance.

Sept. 9th 2006 8:36 PM
Subject: I don't want to say "I foretold you so"...

"Hello little ones, gather around and hear my ominous portent of your intertwining fates. The stars have conspired to bring us together in the near future. However, in these dark times of metal gods and paper idols, humanity's connection to its mystical origins has been cast away, and with it the influence of the stars has dwindled. Even so diminished, it is still more than enough to sway our malleable strands of life toward their whims.

Will they succeed? No one can be certain. All this humble soothsayer can do is perhaps show you a glimpse of their schemes, such that what illusion of control you possess over your destinies will comfort you once your path is truly ordained.

-The maiden Persephone has conjured forth a night club, "Arabian Night", to which no man or woman born under the star-spangled banner has dared venture in this generation. The irresistable enticement of our curiosity betrays her intimate understanding of human nature.

-Persei has meticulously orchestrated a soccer game between the Pohang Steelers and the Seongnam Ilhwa to take place precisely during the time of our meeting. It will come to pass at 7pm on the eve of Saturn's day. The cost will be $10.

-Only a fool could think the fearsome power of a great typhoon a meaningless confluence of chaotic forces. Sansan was summoned to disperse the clouds that have been tormenting this mystical site with sunless days and frigid nights. The majestic forests and rolling hills are once again acessible for those seeking to make the spiritual pilgrimage. Weather.com corroborates this vision.

-The prophetess Alyssa has fled the area upon sensing these supernatural anomalies. As a result of this departure, the mysterious coven of JART has decided that more members are to be initiated, especially those with names that begin with vowels, in order to maintain a viable acronym.

Do not shy away from your destinies, we are all bound together in the great cosmic cycle. Indeed, even now I am overwhelmed by premonitions that our meeting is imminent regardless of the constellations' meddling. But for all those that embrace whatever nefarious plan they have in store for us, speak with haste so that we may take steps to facilitate the gathering.

~J~"